Day 1 of 366

My life has not always been easy.  The past five years have been varying degrees of hell.  But to be honest, when I think back, things have never been roses and sunshine.  There has always been a shadow, a black cloud lurking never far away.  I know much of it is self-created.  True, fate has not been kind.  My life, my trials, are well documented to those who know me.  But I am not alone in that regard.  I do not carry exclusivity rights on sadness, disappointment, stress, and struggles.  They say life is what you make it.  And so i have decided its time to make it a good one.  To appreciate what I have been given - both the good and the bad.  To live in the moment, to seize the moment.  To appreciate the moment.  That's what this experiment is about.  It's not an attempt to change anyone's world but mine.  ]

366 days of positivity.  Of gratitude.  It all starts today......

*  I'm thankful for my son.  I'll get the big, obvious one out of the way first.  I'm thankful that he gives me a reason to get up in the morning.  He is my husband's and my love for one another personified.  And a love as strong as ours was bound to create something pretty wonderful.  There is not a moment, in my good times and my bad, that I do not thank the heavens for entrusting me with him.

*  I'm thankful for the mild winter we have had this year.  For the sunshine today.  We spent the day outside, playing in the snow.  Creating what I like to call extraordinary ordinary moments.  There are many, many winters where we have spent most of them running from freezing house to freezing car.  I'm thankful this is not one of them.

*  I'm thankful for my uncle.  He's the only family I have within a 300 km radius of where I am.  I don't call on him often, but I know when I do, he will drop everything to help out as he can.  Whether it be pick my son up from school, light the pilot light I just can't get going, or sit in a hospital waiting room for 2 hours while I get some things taken care of.  I know I say I am 100% alone.  And it feels like it a lot of the time.  But 100% is not accurate.  And I'm thankful that I'm not.

*  I'm thankful for New Years Day.  I'll be honest.  I hate this time of year.  Ever since my husband passed away, the changing of the year has been difficult.  It adds one more holiday, one more calendar, one more year to the ever growing distance between us.  And marks the time he has been gone - another year he will never get to experience.  But as much as I don't like it, as much as it hurts, I am thankful that I have survived the ups and downs and am here to see it.  And, as so many people have said, a new year brings now opportunities.  A chance to wipe the proverbial slate clean, even if it is just in your own mind.  A chance to try again.  Or, perhaps more accurately, to make small alterations and keep on trucking along......